The Question That Revealed Everything About My Confidence

I made dinner the other night. Nothing fancy, just dinner. And you know what I found myself doing?

Waiting with bated breath for what felt like forever until finally asking, “Sooooo, was it good?”

And then it hit me—this moment where I had to stop and ask myself: Jen, do you need approval for that? I mean, do YOU think it’s good? Do YOU like it?

It’s such a small thing, right? Wanting to know if your family enjoyed the meal you made. But that moment became this mirror showing me something I needed to see about where I was building my confidence as a mom.

Can We Be Honest for a Minute?

How many times this week have you felt overlooked or underappreciated? It happens, right?

Especially as our kids get older and they need us less. Right now I’m in the middle of raising teenagers and they are all kinds of independent. I’m proud of them. I love them for it. I know my husband and I instilled a lot of these qualities into them. But sometimes, you know, we can be left to feel like, well, we do so much, but we’re not thanked for it.

Motherhood is a thankless job often times, but you don’t have to stay in that place. You know, you don’t have to stay there.

So when my husband and kids tell me “oh my gosh, make this again,” then yeah, okay, that means they value it. If they don’t say anything, it doesn’t mean they hated it. But if they say “maybe not this again”—then I definitely know, right?

It’s good to communicate with each other, but just because you may not be getting back what you need in that moment does not mean you’re failing, mom.

Believe me, I go to that place in my head often and I don’t need to. So this is why I’m here for you—to help you not go down to that place.

Where Are You Building Your Foundation?

Here’s the thing I realized while I was chasing my kids around asking about dinner: building a secure foundation, what you can really feel confident about, is not built on the comments and the approval of others. It’s not.

It’s built on your own experiences and your ability to trust yourself based on the difficult things you’ve already been through.

Think about it. Maybe you made a parenting decision that someone else questioned. Maybe your friend, maybe your mother-in-law, maybe someone out there made a disparaging remark about the choices you’re making as a mom.

These are the areas where we need to know—I trust myself enough to make a decision about my child. And if someone has something to say about it, I mean, they better be a really super duper trusted individual in your circle for their advice to carry weight in your life and to live rent free in your head.

Or it’s something that you can notice and thank them for and say goodbye to. You know, you don’t need to hold on to every piece of advice that someone throws at you.

The Confidence I’m Actually Talking About

I’m not talking about the “fake it till you make it” kind of confidence, although I have given that advice before. When you’re really in a pickle or when you’re up there in front of a crowd getting ready to do some public speaking maybe, sometimes we have to trick our brains into being more confident than we feel sometimes, right?

But no, I want us to get down to the core of what it means to have confidence in our choices.

It’s the kind of confidence that comes from really knowing who you are, what you value, and what you truly believe.

I want you to believe that your voice matters in your own home. Your voice matters. Whether you feel like that in-charge mama or not—and many women don’t—I want you to walk away believing that you are valuable and that you can step into your confidence as a mother.

What That Little Dinner Question Taught Me

So back to my kitchen moment. When I caught myself needing that approval, needing someone to validate that the meal I made was good enough, I realized I was looking in the wrong place.

The real question wasn’t “was dinner good?”

The real question was: Do I trust myself? Do I believe that what I’m doing matters even when no one’s thanking me for it?

And mama, that’s a question that extends way beyond dinner. It’s about every decision you make. Every boundary you set. Every value you choose to live out in your home.

Your opinions matter because you matter. Do you believe that? Do you believe that you have the right to take up space in this world, that you have a voice that needs to be shared?

__________

There’s so much more I want to share with you about building this kind of deep, real confidence—the kind that doesn’t depend on whether anyone noticed the effort you put in today.

In Episode 103 of the Enough Mom Podcast, I dive into how our kids actually teach us about confidence (and it’s not what you think), how to handle those moments when your role as a mom shifts and changes, and why living out your family values doesn’t mean you have to be harsh or defensive about it.

Because here’s what I know: you’re a whole person who deserves to be heard. Not just part of the system. A whole person.

And when you start believing that? Everything changes.

Listen to Episode 103: “Confidence – Assured in Your Convictions” wherever you get your podcasts. Just search “Enough Mom Podcast” and hit subscribe.

This is where you can find the courage to be confident in your calling, mama.